Tuesday, November 5, 2013

Waving My White Flag

I surrender!

I've realized the last few months that there isn't enough of me to go around. I'm drowning in all that needs to be accomplished every day. I'm not discouraged or depressed; just unable to get it all done. Unfortunately, when I feel overwhelmed I start to shut down and escape into books. I've read six books in about a week. (I read very fast at night or while waiting for appointments.) I know I should dig deep and fight through all that needs to be done, but I don't.  Kaelyn has too many appointments every week, the big boys have too many classes to attend, and there are too many little ones demanding my attention. Not to mention the cooking, cleaning, and laundry. I need another me!

Jon and I sat down this weekend to come up with a new plan for my days. I need to spend at least three hours everyday with Alex. Kaelyn probably needs me for an hour, Nathaniel needs an hour, and Lily and Mae beg me to do school as well. I'm so thankful that Micah is an independent learner! If I was home everyday all day I could probably manage. The problem is that I am not. And the reasons for leaving the home are necessary. Kaelyn needs speech, OT, and PT. Micah needs to take Biology, and his other two classes. I can't cut those things out.

What we did realize is that we could put Nathaniel back in public school. He thrived last year in kindergarten. Public school is not what we want long term, but it seems like the answer for the moment. I would no longer need to worry about planning his school. Someone else would assign, teach, and check his work. That will take one load off of my shoulders. I realize I will still oversee his homework, but I won't have to think about what the homework will be.

One of the amazing aspects of the school district he attends is the vision program. I think we have THE BEST vision teacher ever. She works hard to provide every possible service that would help him to be successful. He will have a personal aide the majority of the day. He will have a CCTV in the classroom and any other devices that will help him visually. She will make sure that the computer lab has a program where he can learn to use the computer. Any possible service that he qualifies for she will work hard to provide for him. I'm positive that he will thrive in this setting.

I do have some misgivings about sending him. Probably the biggest is having to follow all the rules of the school! I will no longer be in charge of our schedule and that will take some adjusting. I worry about him out at recess and how he lacks self control. I dread packing a lunch everyday. I worry about the fact that my curriculum is paced differently than the school and he will appear behind. These aren't big worries, just niggling the back of my mind.

Probably the biggest fear is disapproval from others and feeling as if I have failed. In the end, it doesn't matter what others think. We are trying to do what is in the best interest for our family. Right now, the best is having Nathaniel in school.

I'm excited and a little nervous about this new adventure.


  1. Sounds to me like a well considered, wise decision. Good things will come from it for all of you. Neta

  2. You are a GREAT mom and you know what he needs and God loves him and you! Love you! Beth

  3. No one will think you have failed! You figured out your limitations, you came up with a plan that would help you all, and you followed through! My son sounds a lot like your Nathaniel but he thrived in public school - we too have a wonderful vision teacher. :)

  4. Never apologize for making a well reasoned and considered decision about what's best for your children. As his parents, you both decided this was best for now for everyone. And I think you're amazing, btw.

  5. Liz, I don't see a way to contact you listed on the blog. Could you send me an e-mail please? Thanks!

  6. Hi Liz! I came across your blog and have been reading it this morning. I'm also the mom of special needs children. I have a severely autistic 18-year-old, a 17-year-old with Asperger's, and an 11-year-old with ADHD. I homeschool them too. I read that you are planning to send one of your children to school so you can spend the needed time with the others and that you're afraid people will think that you're a failure. I pray that you will feel confident that you're making the best decision for all of your children and that you won't feel like you've failed. It's hard homeschooling, and it's especially hard homeschooling special needs children. Blessings to you and your family! I'll be praying for y'all!

    1. Thanks, Wendy. We feel pretty good about our decisions these days. Thanks for your prayers.