Wo Ai Ni

Wo Ai Ni- three words that used to have no meaning in my life. Those three words now have great personal meaning.

Nathaniel, our just adopted four year-old, speaks fluent Mandarin. He is rapidly picking up English, but still speaking great amounts of Mandarin. In order to survive those first few weeks with him I learned a few key words and phrases. Words like no, wait, come here, don't hit, and I love you. I find it humorous that he still speaks so much Manadarin to us. Doesn't he realize that I have no clue what he is saying?

At first, Nathaniel didn't care much for me. He would complain every time I laid down next to him at night to say good night. Many times he would not even look at me. Maybe he thought that if he avoided eye contact I would just disappear. He tried again and again to avoid me.

I am, however, persistent.

I am stubborn!

Every night I would lay with him and say those three words that had held no meaning to me just weeks before. Wo Ai Ni. I love you. Wo Ai Ni.

Wo Ai Ni

I love you.

Then, one day it happened. He said those three sweet words back to me. How my heart sang with joy. He may have just repeated them back to humor me, but I didn't care.

One step forward!

Fast forward a month.

Nathaniel now tells me Wo Ai Ni without any prompting. He says it just because. Just because he now knows that I am his mama and that mamas are ok to love. He knows that I am going to be there every morning and every night. He knows that I am going to stick. I am going to stick even when he is disobedient, cranky, sick, or throwing temper tantrums. He gets it.

Wo Ai Ni, Nathaniel.

I love you with all my heart.

Surviving: One Day at a Time

Yup. It's tough. I never thought that it would be easy. I never thought it would be so draining either. Adding two more to the mix can take its toll. Today I had to just let it all go.

For five weeks I have been holding everything together. Four weeks of school have been completed, house has been kept together, dinner has been on the table, and clean clothes have been worn.

A wise friend, who has 9 children, gave me some great advice on managing multiple toddlers during school time. She explained her strategy of taking out one activity at a time requiring the children to focus on that one item. That advice has saved me tons of cleanup time and chaos.

I have also been diligent in planning menus and getting dinner together on time. We have multiple evenings out and I have needed to be on top of this. The kitchen has even stayed clean. What a feat for me.

But, let's face it. I can't keep it up day after day.

This week was a tough one for me. I just felt worn down. Monday thru Thursday I kept putting one foot in front of the other. Plodding. That's how I felt. Monday's doctor visit with three toddlers started off my week. I felt drained every day after.

It takes forever to go anywhere. Three kids in car seats means nine buckles, two different doors, moving one seat, and climbing in the back of the car. I spend hours in the bathroom each week with one of the two that are potty trained. I clean up countless accidents. I wipe hands and faces multiple times each day. I break up fights, kiss hurts, and spend half the day taking a child to the "naughty" chair.

It's exhausting.

Draining.

Today I just couldn't put that next foot forward. I let it all go. The littles stayed in their jammies all day. Two of them didn't even have underwear on! School was canned. Teeth weren't brushed and hair was left falling in faces. Toys were strewn all over the house, and the kitchen was left to fend for itself.

I sat on the couch absorbed in a book only emerging from my cocoon of words to meet immediate needs. 

Now as I sit here at the end of my day I realize that I have only caused myself to want more. More time for me. More time to do what I want. Time ALONE!

But.....

this time that I want so badly is not mine to have. These little lives need order, boundaries, love, nurture, and a mama who is not burrowed deep in a cocoon.

This time in life is going to fly by and I refuse to wish it away.

I refuse to look forward to when they are older and able to do for themselves.

I refuse to miss out on today!

So, tomorrow when I wake up, I am going to pray that the Lord will lift my foot and place it in front of the other. I will pray that each day He will keep me going. I can't do it without Him.

I truly am blessed to have been given this precious gift of parenting these little ones. May I be up to the task each and every day with the Lord guiding my steps.