Saturday, February 12, 2011

Sometimes Parenting Hurts

When our children enter into our lives we have such warm fuzzy feelings about them. They are these cute little blobs angels that can do no wrong. It's hard to imagine all the grief that they will bring. I share this following story not to tell a story on my son, but to show how God is the ultimate parent. God is the one who changes the heart of my child. I can not change the heart.

Last Tuesday our home school group went on a field trip skiing. This field trip is the ultimate field trip. Twenty-five dollars for a lift ticket, rentals, and a lesson. We love this field trip!

Our first roadblock came when we inventoried our ski gear. Micah's old ski pants were passed down to Alex leaving Micah without. I called up a friend, who's son was not going, and asked if we could borrow some ski pants. I drove across town the night before and picked them up. Upon arriving at home Micah realized that the pants were full bibs. That was just not acceptable to him. He protested GREATLY. To the point that he was refusing to participate at all. Jon and I tried to talk some sense into him, but it just left us all frustrated and Micah in tears.

Come morning, Micah confessed that he had overreacted and was willing to wear the borrowed clothes. He even mentioned that he had prayed asking God to fix the problem. God answered by changing Micah's heart. Praise the Lord! It was encouraging to see Micah's heart soften.

I now thought that all was well. We packed up and headed up the mountain. Part way into the drive I realized that I had forgotten a book. This is a huge bummer to me. I do not ski and would be hanging around at the lodge all day with nothing to do. I told Jon that God must have different plans for me that day. God surely did.

Everyone was suited up and ready for the promised lesson. Out of the corner of my eye I caught sight of Micah. One of the instructors was trying to talk to him and I could tell that Micah was not wanting to be part of the conversation. I figured he was just not wanting to take his lesson on the mountain. He has a fear of heights and tends to stay on the bunny hills. That's fine with me so I explained the situation to the instructor and they were willing to give him a private lesson on the bunny hill. (He was the only snowboarder that wasn't going on the lift.) Micah refused.

He flat out refused to participate. I could not believe that he was being this stubborn. I know that my child is stubborn, but I could not believe that he was willing to pass up a day of skiing just because he didn't want to take a lesson. I marched him into the lodge and gave him quite a lecture. I laid out a bunch of consequences trying to make him change his behavior. I thought that if I stripped him of everything then he would change. I was wrong.

His equipment was returned and the lift ticket was destroyed. He sulked and fumed. It was ugly to see. I sat down with him an hour or so later and prayed with him. He mumbled at me that praying wouldn't help. Little does he know how God works.

After lunch Micah seemed a little better. Not so glum. We ended up having a great conversation about what had happened that morning. He admitted that he made a very poor choice. He apologized for being stubborn and asked for forgiveness. He did this knowing that he still would not be able to ski and that he owed us the money for the lost day of skiing. God had changed his heart. It may have taken four hours, but his heart was once again soft. What a blessing it was to see this once angry face smile again. I didn't create that change. Christ did. We ended up playing cards and having a great time together. I'm so thankful that I forgot my book. God surely did have better plans for me that day.


Wednesday, February 2, 2011

What would have been our referral day

Five and a half years ago, Jon and I made the decision to adopt a little girl from China. We requested a healthy infant thinking we would see her sweet face in about one year. If you have been following our story you would know that that one year stretched into five long years.

Several years ago, Jon and I started talking about switching to special needs. It never seemed right at the time. Our motive seemed to be to just speed along the process. Special needs seemed like such a scary thing to bring into our home. Each time we looked into it we stepped back and decided to wait it out.

Then, in October of '09, I saw a picture of a little girl who shared my birthday. God broke my heart over this girl. I knew our family was not capable of taking care of this little one, but God showed me that we could venture out into special needs. I remember sitting on the counter in the kitchen crying over this little one and trying to explain to Jon the depth of my feelings. It was time to make the change. God had worked in our hearts.

We sent in our medical checklist and prepared our hearts. To be honest, I was terrified. Were we doing the right thing? Would I regret switching to special needs when the time came when we would have gotten a referral for a healthy child? These fears would creep up over the next few months.

Then, we got an email. The day that our lives changed. The day we saw our daughter for the first time. We claimed her immediately and prepared to bring her into our lives.


Do I have regrets?

Today would have been the day I would have seen the face of that healthy infant. As I sit and contemplate that fact I know in the depths of my being that I have NO regrets. Lily is a blessing from God that I could have never imagined. She is joy, love, happiness, and the one who holds me and says, "my mama."

I am her mama.



There are no regrets.

Praise God!