Sunday, January 30, 2011

Remembering Paula

Two years ago my good friend passed away. Here's what I wrote for her memorial service.


Four and a half years ago a sign went up in the yard next to us.  We were going to get new neighbors.  I had no idea who God was going to bring into my life, but I determined to start praying and tell Him who I thought would be perfect. I prayed that a nice family with boys would move in next to us. God answered that prayer in more ways than I could ever imagine.
I remember the day that Paula came to look at the house with her realtor. I threw shoes on my feet and decided to take my boys for a walk so that I would have an excuse to see who was possibly going to be my new neighbor. I have to admit that I am a nosey neighbor! When I learned who was to move in next door, I felt that we had hit the jackpot.  This family had two boys almost the exact ages of mine!
Paula and her family began to attend our church and I had so much fun sucking her into all sorts of things. I had started a chime choir and needed one more person. Not knowing what she was in for, Paula volunteered to help. I put her at the bass end where she only had to hit on the beat here and there. She practiced her part and played in front of an audience even though she knew almost nothing about music. That was just the type of person she was; willing to chip in wherever there was a need. I roped her into helping with Vacation Bible School and then it was AWANA, the nursery, and just about anywhere else there was a need.  She just didn’t know how to say no.
When her boys started school, Paula became even busier. She threw herself into the school community. Working in the classroom, running the snack bar, counting box tops, passing out cookie dough, were just a few ways that Paula helped at Nelson Elementary. Hours were spent at the teacher’s center laminating children’s work for various teachers. She was at the school probably as much as the teachers. I always joked with her that she spent more time doing school than I did home schooling my own children.  She just didn’t know how to say no.
When the school bell rang her day did not end.  Homework needed to be done and sport practices needed to be attended.  Paula would do anything for her kids. She sat with them and helped them through those horrible math assignments and dreaded writing assignments. Being an involved parent, she knew what needed to be done and how to keep her kids on track. Once those assignments were complete, they headed off to their many different sports. My head would spin just thinking about their schedule. Some Saturdays they would have 4 different games at different schools and she would do her very best to be at every single game. Paula even went to the games of other kids! After all the activities were over, the neighborhood kids would hang around the house. Paula would feed them, entertain them and look out for them. She just didn’t know how to say no.
The years that Paula spent in Fresno were years of giving to others. Paula become well known around the neighborhood and school for her caramel corn, banana bread, strawberry freezer jam and those peanut butter cookies with the chocolate kiss. Even though she wasn’t feeling well at Christmas time, she baked those treats for everyone else. Just last week in the hospital, she mentioned that she wished she could get home and bake some banana bread for all the nurses who had been helping her out. She just didn’t know how to say no.
Now, Paula wasn’t perfect. She did have a few quirks. Paula was obsessed with recycling. Soda cans, water bottles, milk jugs, you name it and she recycled it. When we would ride our bikes to the gym, she would stop and pick up bottles off the street.  Eventually, huge bags would be taken down to the recycling center and cashed in. I never did understand that obsession. Another quirk had to do with the gas and electric bill.  I do admit that I was part of this obsession. Every month we would compare bills to see who had the lowest. It became a friendly competition that went on for years.
As time moved forward, Paula’s and my relationship deepened. She became more than a neighbor. She was a friend I could call at any time. Paula was there when I needed a cup of sugar, a listening ear or a hug. She would take care of my boys, my dog, or my house at a moments notice. I could walk into her house without knocking, kick off my shoes and make myself at home on her couch. Paula always had time for those around her. While I tried to teach Paula how to say no more often, Paula taught me to say yes. Because of her constant giving of her self, she made many friends who will miss her every day. I praise God for sending me a neighbor who never knew how to say no.

Thursday, January 20, 2011

Weary of Saving

I am tired of saving money. It's true. I'm tired of constantly needing to weigh each purchase, needing to put an item back, and needing to say later. I'm tired of saying we can do this but not that. I want to just throw caution to the wind and do what I want.

I want to buy pictures for our blank wall. I want to get towel racks for the bathroom. I want to buy plants for the backyard. I want to have a floor in my laundry room.
I want...
I want...
I WANT!

I'm sure you can see where the problem lies. The problem lies with me. We have been saving for adoption related expenses for 6 years and I am weary. However, God did not promise us a life of ease and wealth. He promises peace through Him, and I need to hang on to that.

At this moment in life He has called us to adoption, and we must follow. That means a bit of sacrifice and self-control. I really do mean "a bit" of sacrifice. We are living in the top percentage of the world as for as wealth goes. I have nothing to complain about. Our house is huge compared to most of the world. I have an enormous amount of stuff and should not feel that I need more.

I really am trying to get past this weary mentality. I think this post is being written to remind myself of why we are weighing each purchase. I need to keep my eye on the goal and put blinders on my eyes. I need to only worry about the finish line. And at that finish line is my precious daughter.


 Sweet girl, you are worth every item that I put back on the shelf.

Saturday, January 15, 2011

The Naughty Chair

Parenting Lily has been quite an interesting adventure. It has been so long since there has been a toddler in this house. I have been parenting older children and have forgotten many of the techniques of toddler parenting. In some ways I think this has been good for me.

When I first had a toddler in the house I was 25 years old. Gosh that sounds young. I had Micah at the age of 23 and knew nothing about parenting. I thought I would have it all down since I had a child development major. Ha! Little did I know what I was getting in to.

I read some books, talked to other moms, and plowed forward. My problem back then was that I took these parenting books very literally. If they said to never . . .  then I would make sure I followed that advice to the letter. I was rigid in some areas and spanked for everything.

Fast forward 10 years. I am much wiser in the parenting department. Note that I said wiser and not wise! I can see the other end of toddler-hood. I can see that the decisions we make while parenting them as toddlers can really effect the way they are as older children.

Because Lily was added to our family through adoption, we decided to not spank her the way we did the boys. We wanted to make sure that she felt attached and secure in our family. (Disclaimer: This is just our decision for our family. This is not how I think all families who adopt should parent.) There are occasions where she will get a little tap to the thigh or hand when she is not obeying, but I have really focused on sitting her in a chair for time-outs.

I was noticing that she was becoming very needy of me. I wasn't able to accomplish anything while she was awake. This was driving me crazy. After reaching the end of my rope one day, I pried her off my leg and set her in her crib. Surprise, surprise she calmed right down. However, hefting a 36 pound toddler back and forth from her crib all day would destroy my back. It was time for a different tactic.
In this picture she is still crying.
Out came the child sized chair. Amazingly enough, she sits in the chair for the full two minutes. As soon as she is there she calms right down and waits patiently for me. I must admit that I am shocked that this works. I figured she would get right down out of that chair. She must say sorry before she gets down and give me a hug and kiss. It is quite sweet.

The other day we were playing in the family room. Lily walked over to the chair and sat there all by herself. She looked at me and said, "Lily crying. Wah wah." I just about died laughing! Silly girl.


Friday, January 14, 2011

We have our LID!

LID stands for log-in-date. This is where we are officially logged into the computer at the CCAA. Now we wait for our Letter of Acceptance where they officially match us with Mae. This could take 1-2 months. The official wait has begun!

Friday, January 7, 2011

It has arrived!

Our dossier has safely arrived at the China Center of Adoption Affairs. Big sigh of relief here. We should hear of our log in date in the next few weeks. After that we will start waiting for our Letter of Acceptance (LOA). The LOA is where we are officially matched with Mae. This can take up to two months. The challenge now is to sit back, relax, and trust God that all will be taken care of.

Monday, January 3, 2011

DTC!!

DTC means that our dossier has been sent to China. This is a huge step for us. As soon as our papers are logged in (LID) to China our official wait for Mae begins. I'm praying that we go before the end of June. Heck, I'm praying we go in April!