I was laying in bed this morning thinking about attachment. I am almost positive that our little ones are going to have a hard time attaching to us. What dawned on me, however, is that I may not love them right off the bat. Loving them may not come naturally like it did with Lily. I pondered this and turned to the Bible to see what God's word says about love.
Of course, the first place to look is 1 Cor. 13.
Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends.
After reading through that list I realized that there is no mention of feelings. Love is NOT a feeling. It is what we do. 1 Cor. 16:14 says, "Let all that you do be done in love." Love is an action, not a feeling.
John 15:12 says, "This is My commandment, that you love one another, just as I have loved you." Love is a command. God doesn't ask us to feel love. He commands us to love.
I will not hold on to the hope that the feelings of love will come. My hope is in Christ. Through Him I need to purpose to love my children. Christ is not looking for me to just want feelings of love, He wants me to act in love. All I need to do is follow the list in 1 Cor. 13. That IS love! When I am patient, kind, and not seeking for myself, etc., then I AM loving my children.
Great post, Liz. I know it took me a while (maybe a year!) before I really felt that emotional love for our adopted child. It came, though. In the meantime, I enjoyed him and cared for him.
ReplyDeleteFrankly, looking back, I'm not so sure it was all that different from my attachment to our bio child. That took time too.
I had to get to know them before I could really feel that emotional side of love, I guess!
what a great post-- i struggled with attaching and loving one of ours- and your post is so right-- it's not a feeling-- it's a choice, an action we must pursue-- great conviction and reminder!!!!!
ReplyDeleteI am so glad another mom warned me about this before our last trip! I had overwhelming love "feelings" for our Lily from the get- go and assumed I would the next time too. Not so much. Thankfully love rooted in Christ's love grows!
ReplyDeleteI just found your blog and spent some time reading through previous posts. I can so relate to so many points..60 lbs of legos, homeschooling boys, adopting. I'm praying for safe travels for you. I just read your post about your flight on RQ. I hope the train gets you where you need to be on time! Blessings to you.
ReplyDeleteThis is so true. Not just in adoption... in life, too! So many people think you can fall in and out of love. You can fall in and out of feelings... but you choose to act out love... and you are doing that now with Nate and Mae. I'm so glad you shared this brilliant truth.
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